Joy is a Byproduct

“What I found was that joy really wasn’t something I was to be going after. It was a byproduct and it existed even in the hardest of situations; even when I was sad.”

After a hard look at my heart, I decided to spend a year intentionally choosing joy. I know for many, this may seem easy, but after the loss of a child, choosing joy can be very challenging. It can also be confusing.

Yes, I’d like help with this!

I first thought that choosing joy meant I was to smile all the time. While smiling on the outside was much easier than smiling on the inside, that’s not quite what choosing joy was all about. I soon realized, it wasn’t about smiling at all. What I found was that joy really wasn’t something I was to be going after. It was a byproduct and it existed even in the hardest of situations; even when I was sad.

Denial is Real

Some people wondered why I continued to write about sad things if I was supposed to be choosing joy. Here’s my answer: because it’s reality. It’s real. Sad moments, sad days, and sometimes sad weeks happen. To pretend they didn’t wouldn’t be joy. It would be denial. I’ve been there. I’ve been the mom calling the fire chief wondering why this or that didn’t happen. “Why didn’t they do this? What about this! Why didn’t you save my son!” As a member of a couple of child loss groups, I’d hear at least fifty stories each week of paramedic visits from friends who’d lost their kids. There was one component my mind conveniently allowed myself to overlook. Despite all the efforts from EMTs and/or hospital personnel, their child was dead. Hence, they, too, were a member of this unpopular club. I was the mom whose fire chief had to firmly explain that all my calls were pointless. My son was dead. “How do you know,” I questioned. “How do you know?” – Denial.

“Joy is not something you slap on. It’s not an escape, nor is it a surface event. It’s the byproduct of an important process.”

Face the Truth of your Situation

All over the country, there are people walking around smiling because well-meaning people told them God wanted them to be joyful. He wanted them to be happy. Christians should be the happiest people on the planet. Smile! — So, they smile.– They smile without doing any of the hard work. They slap it on as if it were a pair of glasses or earrings; a mere accessory. All the while, they are denying the truth of their situation along with God’s Truth. One day, in a moment’s notice, they will be ambushed with a reality they can’t pretend away, feeling as if they are in the midst of a mighty storm, ill-equipped while loosing their footing, their joy, and being thrown back into the reality they tried desperately to escape. Face the truth of your situation. Sometimes, we have to write about sad things.

“All of the happy in the world won’t fill us if we’re sitting in the hollow places of this world. Rather, we are to abide fully in Christ.”

Joy is not something you slap on. It’s not an escape, nor is it a surface event. It’s the byproduct of an important process. During the process of photosynthesis, our bad stuff (carbon dioxide) is processed by a well-rooted plant, receiving lots of sunshine, and converts it into something good and needful for us; oxygen. The very thing that helps sustain us is actually produced, partially, by the junk, which left unprocessed would kill us. You see, without the process, we wouldn’t have the oxygen we need. We’d be walking around “smiling” while slowly dying from each happy word we exhaled because we ignored the truth of our situation: we need the process. Allow the process to take root in your life and repeat as often as necessary.

Sit in Fruitful Places

We were made to abide in Christ. All of the happy in the world won’t fill us if we’re sitting in the hollow places of this world. Rather, we are to abide fully in Christ. Every good fruit we bear is a result of being directly connected to the life giving source of Jesus Christ. Abiding in Christ causes us to be fruitful. It prevents us from drifting, and ultimately sustains us. But, it doesn’t mean life will be free from challenges, heartache, nor pain. Pain is sure to come. Just keep sitting in fruitful places.

“when you’re abiding in the hands of our Heavenly Father, hope changes. He is your hope. Nothing more needs to be added.”

Praise for the Spirit of Heaviness

Praise is the antidote for gloom and a downtrodden spirit. We are to put on the spirit of praise. Sometimes, our arms seem heavy as we begin to drift the jacket over our shoulders. At times, when it’s been a while, it feels like a stiff leather jacket which hasn’t been worn in years, greatly needing to be polished. But, praise is a necessary instrument to break the bondage of heaviness deep down in our spirit.

Keep Hope Alive

Without hope, joy would be unknown to us. We can’t have faith without hope. It’s essential to our walk. Hope is an expectation. It is a belief of something to come. Sometimes, things happen that are so devastating that the future simply doesn’t matter to you anymore. There seems to be no reason to hope. What would you even hope for? Everything you’ve always hoped for is gone. They were the reason you hoped, loved, breathed. But, when you’re abiding in the hands of our Heavenly Father, hope changes. He is your hope. Nothing more needs to be added.

Obedience is Key

Finally, joy is the result of obedience. Obedience may not be what you’re thinking. I know it sounds arduous and painful. That’s what the enemy wants us to associate with this word because he fully understands its importance and the freedom it brings. In reality, it simply means to love God, love others, and show others how to love God. Somehow, when we put our hands to the plow and continue to do these three things regardless of our sadness, regardless of our pain, we begin to walk in joy.

You’re in God’s Hands

You see, joy is the byproduct of abiding, bringing an offering of praise, living in hope, and walking in obedience. It’s knowing and trusting that you’re in God’s hands. It’s not ignoring the bad, walking in denial, and slapping on an extra accessory. It’s acknowledging that the bad stuff hurts. It’s seeing it for what it is, then giving it to God, realizing, just like photosynthesis, this is a recurring process. Sometime during that process, your pain and all the other icky stuff is processed and blessed by the hand of God. Your joy, the byproduct, of the process is a strong, determined faith and hope that God’s still on the throne. He’s making paths straight. He’s healing hearts. He’s restoring things lost and hasn’t forgotten you. In a way unbeknown to any of us, He’s turning your ashes into beauty. Our joy is knowing that God does the impossible.

Do You Need Help in This Area?

I think we all need help in this area, at times. After losing a child, joy seems like a joke; an impossible feat. Remember, joy and grief can co-exist. It doesn’t mean your pain goes away, and it doesn’t mean you’re jolly all the time. But, it does mean you haven’t given up HOPE. It means that you’ll choose to obey, even in the midst of the hardest times. I’ve designed a tool to help you in this area. Feel free to grab it. The first page includes a beautiful visual of what I’ve just discussed with you. This can be a huge motivator. I can’t wait for it to bless you! The next page is the work… except it’s cheaper than therapy. It’s free! You will be asked to delve into the things you may be in denial about, and will be encouraged to address the truth of your situation. Next, we’ll explore where you’re sitting. Are you sitting in the wrong places? How can you sit in fruitful places? Gloomy thoughts vs. praiseworthy thoughts is next. Hope and faith, along with avoidance and obedience follow. Finally, I’ll have you create a few action steps. Are you ready?! I sure am. Grab your tool today. You really are a blessing. Each time someone grabs one of these, I feel like I’m making a small difference, like I’m redeeming this awful pain that made it’s way into my life. I can’t thank you enough. You’re not alone, Friend.

xoxo,

Rachel