“When you discover something, you land upon something new; something you’ve never seen before. Perhaps, no one’s seen it before.”
Feeling lost? I’ve been there. It kind of stinks. Not only is feeling lost scary, the process of trying to find yourself is exhausting! Have you ever considered that it may be better to discover who you are instead of trying so hard to be who you used to be?
After the loss of my son, Josh, I was so disheveled. I no longer remembered why I got up in the morning, what I liked, what gave me passion, where I was going. I’d lost me.
I spent a lot of time trying to find the old me. I even practiced my laugh, trying to get it to sound the way it used to sound… seriously. You know what I learned?
👉🏾Looking for something you lost unexpectedly is nerve-racking. The entire time, you’re trying to convince yourself and others that you can find it. 👈🏾
“I know where it is. Just give me one more second.”
The truth is, I had NO clue if I’d ever find that girl again. When I changed my mindset, and decided instead to give myself the freedom to “discover” me, life got a tad easier. I gave myself permission to be changed, new… transformed by this walk; transformed by my son.
Perhaps, you’ve been changed by what you’ve experienced in life; good or bad. It’s okay to honor that. Just remember that change and transformation take time. This really gave me freedom. I no longer expected to get this process done in the next few seconds. Instead, I take pleasure in knowing that during this lengthy discovery process, I’ll find a girl much deeper, wiser, and hopeful than the girl I started out this journey as. You can do the same. ❤️
The Difference Between Finding Yourself and Discovering Who You Are
Finding Yourself
You can’t lose something unless you already had possession of it. We’ve had it in our hands before. We know what color it is, it’s shape, size, and other characteristics. When we go on a journey to find ourselves, we know what we’re looking for. We want to get back to who we were before.
Maybe something happened, you got sick, became lost in a relationship, or some other life event. In either case, you drifted from your values, interests, goals, and sense of self. You want to get back there. You miss that person. He or she rocked! – That’s what it means to find yourself; to return to who you once were. But, what if that’s not your desire?
Discovering Who You Are
When you discover something, you land upon something new; something you’ve never seen before. Perhaps, no one’s seen it before. Sometimes, you’ve heard of its existence, you simply don’t know where it exists… kind of like gold or diamonds. It takes some serious hard work and dedication to discover such riches, but the work is well worth it in the end.
Other times, discovery is like tripping over a gem. It just happens. Suddenly, it’s right there and you had no clue it was there all along. Have you ever done something the same way consistently and then someone shows you a better way? The lightbulb lights up! “You mean I could have done it that way the entire time?!”
Put these two together and that’s what it’s like to discover who you are. It’s hard work. It’s searching, knocking, panning, and drilling. It’s looking back and asking hard questions, looking forward and laying some paths, and being silent enough where you are that you can work within the noise of it all. In the process, you’ll have lightbulb moments. “What?! That was the real me all along? – Why was I acting that way?”
There are times for both, finding yourself and discovering who you are. But, at that time in my life, I needed desperately to discover who this girl in the mirror was. I didn’t want to be the old me. I wanted to honor my son’s life by discovering all there was to learn about myself. And so, the journey began.
How do you discover who you are?
How do you discover who you are if it’s not who you’ve been your entire life? Where do you start?
1. Learn Who God Says You Are
Can I suggest you start with your creator? Is there any authority you trust more? Who does God say you are? What does he desire in each area of my life, my virtues, and my roles?
2. Explore Your Interests, Strengths, Values, Life Mission, and Traits
What do you like? Right now… not last year. What makes you smile, and what makes you hurt? What can you sit and talk about for hours? Where does your passion lie? Do you have any values that are absolute non-negotiables? What do you believe to be important on this journey called life? Have you made a life mission? If not, what would it be? Discover what you’re good at. What are your strengths and how can you use them in the future?
3. Look at Where You’ve Been
Our past is important. Many times, it holds the key to our future. It explains why we do the things we do. Take time to adequately look through the pages of your past and discover what you missed the first time. Learn about your parent’s relationship(s). Question the actions you took during pivotal events.
Take comfort in the warm places and faces you see when you look back. Then, determine what your story will be about where you’ve been. You get to decide that you know. You can’t change what happened, but you get to decide how the story’s told and what you take from each experience in life.
Are you having difficulty reconciling your past? Perhaps, you’ll find the following resource helpful:
Broken Crayons Still Color by Shelley Hitz
There’s life after a broken past, Friend.
4. Examine Where You Are Currently
What’s going on in your life today? What’s working. What’s not working? List your job, where you live, the important people in your life. How do you feel about this? In each instance, try to explain why? Why do you like or dislike this aspect of your life. Do you feel it’s appropriate? What would you change? Take out a notebook, make some list, and get to work.
5. Discover Where You’re Going… or Where You’re Being Led.
Often, we want to take the reins of our life. We have everything nicely planned. That may be why we feel so lost when things don’t go our way. It wasn’t our plan! Sometimes, God gives us a platform we don’t really want. Sometimes, we need to take the lemons and make lemonade. Often, the trials we’ve been through in life are a way of preparing us for where God wants to use us.
“Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts.”
Rick Warren
Ask God what He has for you next. Look back at where you’ve been, where you are, and ask, “How can this be used for God’s glory.”
For a more direct way of discovering where you’re going the following resources may be helpful:
Need more help, check out these books:
- Chazown by Craig Groeschel
- Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett
- The Life planning Workbook by James Vaughan
- Write, Open, Act: An Intentional Life Planning Workbook by Lee Weinstein
- It’s Never Too Late to Begin Again: Discovering Creativity and Meaning at Midlife and Beyond by Julia Cameron
6. Examine Your Roles to Discover Who You Are
Wife, husband, son, daughter, mother, father, teacher, engineer, waitress, comforter, and the list goes on. Are you happy with these roles? Did you actively pursue them or did they pursue you? Have you defined how you wish to carry-out each role? Dig deeper in this area of examining your roles.
Make a mission statement of what you want to accomplish in each role, and how you’ll carry these wishes out. For example, as a daughter you may want to be a supportive individual giving back to those who gave you life. Perhaps one way you’ll carry this out is by intentionally “learning” your parents. Be aware of their burdens and try to be there via cards, phone calls, prayer, etc.
Do this for each of your roles, creating no more than two-three important actions you can consistently carryout in relation to your self-defined mission in each area.
7. Learn About the Hidden Things
So much of what we do is done subconsciously. On any given day, the majority of what we do each day is pure habit. Often, looking back, we don’t understand why we did certain things. This was certainly true of me after the loss of my son.
It wasn’t until I took a personality test that I had a humongous and much needed aha moment. Discovering why you operate the way you do can be an eye-opening experience which can free your future from repeated mistakes and self-acceptance. It can help you make great gains in your quest to discover who you are.
📚 – Books to Help You Discover Who You Are
If you want to go deeper, the following resources may be helpful.
- The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery by David Benner
- The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery by Ian Morgan Cron
- Get a PhD in You: A Course in Miraculous Self-Discovery by Julie Reisler
Happy discoveries, Friend!
xoxo,
Rachel
© Rachel Blado www.OnTheWayToWhereYoureGoing.com All Rights Reserved.
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