Experiencing Grief by H. Norman Wright

“It’s called grief – the walk through the valley of shadows. It’s a journey that is imposed upon us. It’s not one of choice. We can fight it, struggle through it, or embrace it.” – H. Norman Wright

Experiencing Grief by H. Norman Wright is part of my Intentional Reads Grief and Loss Series.

Summary in 100 Words or Less

Experiencing Grief is a 4″x6″ 92 page book perfect for those new to grief. Grief is hard. You need information in short bits. This book does the trick. It gives readers a glimpse into what they’re about to experience, ensuring they understand that everything they are experiencing is normal. This book sells for less than $3.00! It’s my personal go-to for the newly bereaved. I purchase no less than 5 at a time and always keep them handy in a safe place at home. I invite you to do the same.

My 5 Top Quotes or Excerpts

1 – Along this difficult journey many experience what we call a “grief spasm.” It’s alarming since it’s an intense upsurge of grief that happens suddenly and when least expected. It’s disruptive and you feel out of control. Some describe it as continuing painful waves of grief. It won’t take much to cause this to occur. Some refer to it as being ambushed by grief. When it happens, stop what you’re doing and deal with your feelings until some level of calm is restored. The more you try to put these feelings on hold the more pain you will experience. You may feel these spasms are one of your worst times. See them, however, as normal. You may want to say to them, “I wish you weren’t here, but I can handle you. And I will recover from this experience.” Doing this can give you a greater sense of control. – H. Norman Wright

2 – You may be asking why? countless times a day right now. You may be shouting it and shaking your fist, or you may not be asking why? Either way is all right. You may wonder, Do I have the right to ask why? Who is to say you don’t have the right? Regardless of what you hear, you will probably ask. Job asked the question sixteen times. Others asked as well. Why is not just a question – it’s a heart-wrenching cry of protest. It’s the reaction of “No, this shouldn’t be! It isn’t right!”… Keep asking because in time a transformation of your question could occur. One day your why will turn into “What can I do to grow through this experience?” – H. Norman Wright

Donate this book and another book of your choosing to your public library in honor of your loved one. What a wonderful way to honor them! The librarian can guide you in having your loved one’s name placed in the front of the book you’re donating.

3 – One of the causes of fear and anxiety is grief itself. It’s different and intense. You’ve lost control of your life, and that creates fear. What worked for you before isn’t working now, and this too creates fear. The higher the expectations you have for yourself, the greater your need for control; the more perfectionistic you are, the greater your feeling of loss of control and panic. Grief isn’t logical. It’s not predictable. And so you may be afraid of being consumed by your grief. Some feel, “I’m losing who I am.” It’s true. Earlier we mentioned your identity is changing, and this creates confusion. The validation you received from the other is gone…. There is yet another source of fear, “How do I grieve?” – H. Norman Wright

4 – You will want to use your anger creatively. You don’t want it to use you or to dominate your life. Ignoring it or telling it to go away won’t work. Judging it and telling yourself it is wrong won’t help at this time. Turning its energy into a gift to do something constructive will work… There are creative ways to express your anger. Many have found it beneficial to keep a prayer journal. As you write, you will discover more about your anger and yourself than you thought possible… Don’t be surprised if you discover during this process that your anger is covering other emotions. Anger may be safer for you than fear, hurt, or guilt. – H. Norman Wright

5 – How will I know that I’m getting there? Here are some guidelines that may help:

You are able to handle the finality of the death.
You can review pleasant as well as unpleasant memories.
You can choose to spend time alone and enjoy it.
You can go somewhere without crying most of the time.
You are beginning to look forward to holidays.
You are able to help others in a similar situation.
You’re able to listen to your loved one’s favorite music without pain.
You can sit through a worship service without crying.
You can laugh at a joke.
Your eating, sleeping, and exercise patterns are returning to what they were before the death.
You can concentrate on reading or watching tv.
You’re no longer tired.
You can find something to be thankful for.
You are beginning to build new relationships.
You are beginning to experience life again.
You are patient with yourself when you experience a “grief spasm” again.
You are beginning to discover new personal growth from your grief.
- – H. Norman Wright

1 Important Message

What you’re going through is normal.

My Super Rating for “Experiencing Grief”

LOVE this book for what it is! It is a gem of a guide. Short, succinct, descriptive, comforting, and reassuring. Stock up on these and give them to friends and family.

I highly recommend this book!

Happy Reading!

xoxo,

Rachel