Allowing the Story of Your Child’s Life to Live On

“That day, was just one small snippet of his life, and his story is continuing with me.”

After the death of my twenty-year-old son, I began to write.  Just a little.  I started with a simple calendar and jotted two or three words about the day.  Every now and then, I’d type a small Facebook post.  It was really all I could do.  A journal seemed huge and overwhelming with all of it’s empty pages reminding me of how empty I felt.  How could I ever fill it?  What would I fill it with?  I felt so hollow and broken.  How could I ever tell the story of my child’s life?

“We may not be able to write our story, but we get to decide how we tell our story.”

Sometimes Bad Things Happen To Good People

As time went on, people encouraged me to write.  Perhaps, start a blog or write a book.  But, I couldn’t.  It just felt wrong.  I didn’t want my life to be about my child’s death.  I didn’t want to remember his death-day.  I wanted to remember his birthday.  I didn’t want to be known as the mom whose child died.  I wanted to celebrate my son and all that he was.  In all honesty.  I wanted him here!  I just wanted him back. 

But, quite frankly, sometimes God gives you a platform you don’t really want.  You’d rather take the eraser, erase a few sentences, and begin writing the story you’ve envisioned.  But, then you realize, you’re not holding the pencil. Lol!  Nope.  Sometimes, our God story isn’t what we’d imagined it would be.  Sometimes bad things happen to good people.  Jobs are lost.  Cancer strikes.  People leave.  People die. 

Life can be challenging.  We may not be able to write our story, but we get to decide how we tell our story.  We get to decide whether we shout it from the rooftop, or sit quietly with it close to our heart.  We decide that.  And, we also decide how each scene is remembered.  We can decide whether we allow the pain to override it all, or we can try our very hardest to squeeze some kind of goodness from the pain.  Sometimes, that process takes years, but I sure do respect the effort. 

Squeeze the Good

I decided to squeeze the good.  I decided to help others travelling difficult roads to find hope on the way to where they’re going.  No, my life won’t be about my son’s death.  But, it will incorporate his life.  You see, I get to decide how to remember the bad scenes. 

“I didn’t want to be known as the mom whose child died.  I wanted to celebrate my son and all that he was.”

That day, was just one small snippet of his life, and his story is continuing with me.  That blog I didn’t want to write, well, it’s right here!  You’re reading it (onthewaytowhereyouregoing.com).  And it’s changing lives.  It’s allowing my son’s story and impact to continue, and I hope these stories are alive much longer than me.  I may not be writing the story, but I will tell it.  I will share it, while squeezing every bit of good there is out of every scene.  Then, I’ll smile, take a step back, and look at this beautiful story.

10 questions that will help you tell the story of your child’s life.

Hint:  It may be helpful, as you read, to insert your child’s name in the place of “my child.”

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1. What do I want people to remember about my child?

Their….

2. Is there a situation to which I’d like to bring awareness?

3. Are there ways in which I’d like to give back to the community?

4. What were my child’s interests, and is there a way to incorporate my interest with my child’s?

5. Would I like this to be a family effort?

6. What do I do well?  What are my skills? Am I a writer, performer, organizer, crafty, speaker, gardener, etc.? 

7. Would I like to “squeeze the good” year round, or focus on telling my child’s story during special times of the year?

8. Do I prefer for this to be a huge “yell it from the rooftop” type of impact, or a quiet, sweet remembrance?

Remember, both can be impactful.

9. Am I willing to carry the efforts out long-term, or would I rather remember my child’s life by supporting another organization?

• There are plenty of organizations that support my cause, I’d rather join forces and have a more solid impact.
• I’m committed to seeing this out long-term.
• I’m really not sure.

10. Do I have ample support for what I’m planning?

• Are the right people on board: dreamers, planners, doers?
• Do I have financial resources and support?

Take action

… and tell the story of your child’s life.

Now, it’s time to do the work.

Munch on your answers for a while.  Pray about it.  Speak to your family.  Then, decide to tell the story, remember the story, and allow the story of your child’s life to live on. 

Xoxo,

Rachel

Still Stuck?

I have created a checklist of ideas.  Perhaps, one or even a few of these ideas will work for you perfectly.  Feel free to download and use.  I hope you find a way to allow the story of your child’s life to live on.

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You may also want to read

• 50 Creative Ways to Honor a Loved One
• How to Make a Memory Jar
• 10 Things Death Taught Me: How Death Changed Me

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