Sometimes I Feel Like I Don't Deserve to Live

I am her.

I’m that girl.

I’m that mom.

I am that mom that didn’t know what I know now.

I didn’t know I’d be without him.

My son is dead and I’m alive. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t deserve to live.

Here’s What I Tell Myself When I Feel I Don’t Deserve to Live:

I am here. I am very here. I breathe. My heart beats. I feel. I cry. I am.

And… it doesn’t matter if it feels right. It doesn’t matter if it’s fair.

What matters is what is. What matters is what’s true.

I live. I’m here. I exist. I take up space.

Now, I must decide to fill that space.

Today, no matter how hard it is, I will decide to fill this space with life.

I will breathe in deeply and exhale slowly.

I will give myself grace and forgive myself.

I will look at that girl in the mirror and I will give her permission to be.

Be imperfect.

Be sad.

Be happy.

Be still.

Be wild.

But.. BE.

Be you, my dear.

Though it hurts, you CAN.

You can BE.

Today, I feel like I don’t deserve to live, but I will BE brave and do it anyway. I will look in the mirror and be imperfectly me.

Tomorrow, I’ll begin again, and I’ll be glad I did.

Glad I endured. Glad I kept on. Glad I didn’t give up.

One day, the sun will shine again. It will shine brightly and I’ll look up and smile.

I’ll breathe in deeply and exhale slowly.

I’ll give myself grace and forgive myself.

I’ll look at this girl in the mirror and I’ll BE glad she is.

She is imperfect.

She is sad.

She is happy.

She is still.

She is wild.

She is beautifully ME, and she deserves her spot in this glamorous world…. You do too.❤️

xoxo,

Rachel