“Oh, God. This isn’t supposed to happen to me.” – Pastor Dennis Apple
Life After the Death of My Son by Dennis Apple is part of my Intentional Reads Grief Series.
Summary in 100 Words or Less
Dennis Apple and his wife Buelah lost their son, at their home, unexpectedly. By expounding on diary entries, Dennis explains the couple’s journey through child loss. This book is real. It delves into hard topics that so many others don’t dare to touch. What happened to their son’s guardian angel? How could this happen to a pastor? What happens when spouses grieve differently. Can you be mad at God? – So good!
My 5 Top Quotes or Excerpts
1 – We had no idea we would be in this mode for years. The dance of grief was the hardest for us to learn. We had a strong desire to be with each other whenever we could, but when we were together it was always the same as before. I couldn’t do anything right, nor could she. Across the coming months my anger continued to build toward her… These hard feelings continued between the two of us. I wanted so badly to fix her and would make what I thought were helpful suggestions to here. However, it only angered her more and complicated her grief further. – Dennis Apple
2 – We had already lost one son, so our tendency was to be overprotective with Andy. We discussed this for several days. However, we finally came to the place at which we were able to fight off our fears and sign the permission papers. I remember thinking, Denny died right under our noses here in our family room. I really have no control over anything. – Dennis Apple
Donate this book and another book of your choosing to your public library in honor of your loved one. What a wonderful way to honor them! The librarian can guide you in having your loved one’s name placed in the front of the book you’re donating.
3 – In front of me was a special pamphlet for men. I picked it up and looked carefully and could barely comprehend what I was reading. It was an instructional pamphlet giving step-by-step instructions to men, teaching them how to cry. I opened it and read more. The author seemed to understand the ways in which grief can move from your heart to your throat, begging to be released. My eyes moved quickly to the words of instructions in which men were encouraged, if they felt their emotions coming to the surface, to look toward the sun or a bright light and to start panting like a dog on a hot August day. I was amused when I read this and instinctively knew there would not be a comparable brochure for women. Women already understand how to do this very well. We men are the ones who need to be coached. By the way, I’ve tried this method, and it works! – Dennis Apple
4 – “Pastor, today I’ve lost both my husband and son. Can you tell me why I’m grieving more for my son than for my husband?” It was one of those moments of awful truth when she expressed her honest, unedited feelings. I don’t recall my answer, and I’m sure it was not adequate. However, after losing a child myself, I now have a better understanding of her feelings and why she would be so concerned about grieving over her child more than her husband. It has to do with the loss of our legacy, along with the natural maternal instincts to care for her children. I’ve heard it said, “When I buried my parents, I buried my past; when I buried my spouse, I buried my present; but when I buried my child, I buried my future.” In the privacy of my office, I have had several widowed people who also lost a child confess to me that they grieved the loss of their child more than the loss of their spouse… Losing a child is in a class by itself. I suppose we all desire to live a good, long life. We expect to see our children grow up, get their educations, marry, and have their families… The death of a child creates a domino effect. – Dennis Apple
Listen to a 3 minute recording of Dennis & Buelah’s story here!
(They discuss some things I didn’t tell you about!)
5 – Denny died in the family room – how fitting for our boy to die there since he loved his family so much. The family room was a place of warmth, pillows, blankets, friends, plants, and love. But now it’s different. It seems cold, dark, and sullen. I have trouble staying in the family room for any period of time – 10 minutes is long enough… (fast forward) I’ll never forget that moment or the place I was sitting in our family room when Harold answered Dr. Schuller by saying, “It was the death of a teenage boy named Denny that effected this shift in my career.” When I heard Harold Ivan’s answer to Dr. Schuller, I nearly dropped my coffee cup! In an instant, tears were running down my face. I looked over at Buelah, and she, too, was wiping away her tears. Then, I looked at Harold Ivan and could not help but notice the significance of the place where he was sitting: on the same couch and in the exact place where our son had taken his last breath. In that moment I was glad we had not moved away but were able – with Harold Ivan’s help – to take this painful location and start to “reframe” it. – Dennis Apple
There’s soooo much more to this wonderful book! – I NEED more than 5 excerpts!
1 Important Message From This Book
It’s rough; super rough. But, you can make it through. God’s not disappointed in you. – This book is the real deal.
My Super Rating for “Life After the Death of My Son”
This book is insightful. It’s especially soothing for believers attempting to reconcile their grief with their faith. Dennis Apple does a wonderful job describing the differences between his and his wife’s grief. A wonderful message of endurance and acceptance.
I highly recommend this book!
Happy Reading!
xoxo,
Rachel
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