“You’d think that grief brain was the worst. But, then, it happened…”
Have you been too embarrassed to reach out for help? Maybe this little story sounds familiar.
“Here it goes again. Grief brain! Why can’t I remember her name? Urgh… this is sooo frustrating.
I know her number’s in my phone. Why can’t I find it? Oh! That’s right. They’re listed alphabetically by last name. Wait. What’s her last name?!”
Then, it happened…
You’d think that grief brain was the worst. But, then, it happened, I strolled upon an entry in my address book that read, “Do Not Call!!!! Unless Someone Died!” I stood there mystified. “What is this?” Seriously, I had no clue. I stood there holding my phone, thinking as hard as I could. It was like I was trying to squeeze a muscle that didn’t exist. I tried to go through scenarios, events, anything that would involve “Do Not Call!!!” (first name) and “Unless Someone Died!” (last name) Nothing. So I put the phone down, and walked away.
Boom!
It didn’t happen this time. I did not instantly remember once I left the room. But, a couple of hours later… boom! There it was! “Oh, how embarrassing! I can’t believe I forgot that! Oh, no! I want to crawl under a rock right now.” Yep, I remembered!
Here’s the story:
“They all looked at me. There was a very awkward silence.”
One day, I was at church with my small group. It was a great evening… until I spilled the beans. I asked, “Does anyone else feel totally embarrassed when they call the pastor, like they’re not spiritually big enough to handle their own problems?” — They all looked at me. There was a very awkward silence. Then, the chatter began. “Umm. I’ve never done that.” “Me either.” Do I need to go down the line?
None of them had called the pastor whining about being confused in life or asking for advice. Nope. None. Just little ole me. Okay. Next question. But, no. The conversation continued.
“Maybe, our pride and embarrassment are preventing us from becoming the church God meant for us to be. Maybe, we need each other.”
We chatted for a while. We looked at examples from the Word. We took examples from the video lesson we’d just completed for the night. And we concluded that perhaps it’s time to move past our embarrassment. Maybe, our pride and embarrassment are preventing us from becoming the church God meant for us to be. Maybe, we need each other.
How Do I Look?!
“I was wondering if I was succeeding at making my face look normal.”
Ironically, in the middle of this conversation, my pastor walked down the stairs, waving at us joyfully. He had a sense of joy about him like he was so happy to see his friends gathering and supporting each other, while growing as believers. We all waved and said hi as he went by, including me. But, inside, I was wondering if I was succeeding at making my face look normal. Was I smiling like everyone else? Or, was my face saying, “Yep! I’m the idiot!”
The Fall-Out
I went home that night, and changed my pastor’s number to first name = “Do Not Call!!!!” Yes, I used four exclamation points! Last name = “Unless Someone Died!” Wow. I hate grief brain. I didn’t even remember that I was embarrassed. Really?! How did I forget this happened?
The Moral of the Story
So, that’s the story. What’s the moral we need to remember? Always make an address book cheat sheet in case you need it! – No, really. I’ve come so far since making that entry. Part of the reason I am where I am today is because I reached out. Let me clarify. I did NOT say, “I wasn’t afraid to reach out for help.” I was afraid. I was embarrassed and felt like a major loser. Not only was I a loser mom who let her child die, now I was also a loser person. (If that makes any sense at all.) Hey, there are times we’re going to feel like losers with a capital L. There are times when we’ll lose at this thing called life. We’ll make mistakes. Hard things will come our way. We’ll fall. We’ll face monstrous mountains, without the tools we need. And, when we do, we need to know how to reach out for help.
How to reach out for help:
Reaching out for help requires three simple steps:
- Acknowledge that you’re human.
- Push through the anxiety and embarrassment.
- Take action now!
1 – Acknowledge that you’re human.
Like many bereaved parents, you’re were thrown into a new, uncomfortable position. You were confident and in charge of your life. Suddenly, you’re unsure of everything around you. Everything’s changed. You’re no longer confident in your own abilities. Reaching out can be embarrassing.
Stop. Right now, I want you to look in the mirror, and remind yourself that you are human. Yes… human. You’re not supposed to have it together 100% of the time. Give yourself the grace you would give to someone else in your position.
2 – Push through the anxiety.
Listen, there’s a lot that’s out of control in your life right now. You can’t control the circumstances. You can’t control what happened to your child. You can’t control all the anxious thoughts floating through your head. But, you can ensure they don’t control your actions.
Remind yourself that these thoughts… all the what ifs… have absolutely no bearing on your actions nor the outcome. YOU are in control of whether or not you pick up the phone. Tell your anxiety to take a back seat. ACT, in spite of your worries. Do it scared.
3 – Take action now!
Pick up the phone and call someone. It doesn’t have to be your pastor. Really, it could almost be anyone. It’s the process that makes a difference.
Do it now. Do it afraid.
Listen, you can’t make yourself not be embarrassed. It’s just your nerves. But, you can make yourself pick up the phone, in spite of your fears.
You can make your first counseling appointment, even though it’s embarrassing.
You can tell your husband that you’ve just been pretending to be strong.
You can tell your wife.
Call your mom or close friend and cry, even though you’ve never done this as an adult.
It’s okay.
Really. It’s seriously okay to not be okay. It’s okay to need people. Stop reading. Pick up the phone. Go tap someone on the shoulder. Do something.
Still afraid to reach out for help?
Guess what? We all do a time or two. Click here to get a sheet that can help you sort out what you want to say. Once it’s on paper, it should be easier for you to explain to someone what’s going on. – Thanks for stopping by On the Way to Where You’re Going. Don’t walk alone. It’s just not cool. We need each other.
Xoxo,
Rachel
©Rachel Blado www.OnTheWayToWhereYoureGoing.com All Rights Reserved.
P.S. – I spy Josh’s bracelet. Can you find it?
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