Should I Attend a Funeral?

Is it wrong not to attend a funeral? If you’re asking, “Should I attend a funeral,” you already know the answer deep in your gut.

Why don’t you want to go? Are you tired? Feeling lazy? Don’t feel like dressing up? Didn’t really know the person who died? Don’t feel like it would make a difference? After all… the person’s gone.

I get all of this. In fact, it wasn’t until after my son died, that the answer to this question became clear to me.

Should I Attend a Funeral if the Person Wasn’t There for Me?

You should attend funerals to honor a life, perfect or imperfect. Go to honor lives well lived and those that could have been lived better. Go to honor the things done well and to acknowledge all the blunders that have the propensity to teach so much in life.

Go to say thank you for being there. Thank you for showing you me to tackle the hard things; for being a person I looked up to. Other times, go to say, “I forgive you.” I forgive you for all the times you weren’t there; all the times you fell short.

Go to remind yourself that we’re all human, and in our humanity we must somehow forgive. Go, and give the respect you one day hope to have given back to you in all your imperfection.

Should I Attend a Funeral if I Wasn’t Personally Invited?

I missed a funeral once that I wished I’d attended. Actually, I’ve missed more than my fair share of funerals. But, this one, I specifically missed because I wasn’t for sure if I was crossing a boundary.

“Am I close enough?”

“Am I encroaching?”

“Should I ask? That’s weird.”

So.. I didn’t go. The next time I saw the person [I would have been supporting by attending the funeral] I felt guilty. I felt like I wasn’t there for them. Did I send them a card? Yes. Did I check on them? Yes. But, I didn’t attend the future for fear of intruding on a family event.

I should have gone.

If you’re asking yourself if you should attend the funeral, you already know the answer.

A funeral announcement is a public invitation, unless clearly stated that the ceremony is private. It’s okay to go if you weren’t super close to the person who died.

Make a decision you won’t regret later.

Should I Attend a Funeral of Someone I Didn’t Know?

For so many reasons, it’s appropriate to attend a funeral of someone you didn’t know. Just count the people seated on the front row at the service: 1, 2, 3… 6. I’ve heard that there are at least six people touched by every death. Each of those people need someone. Every needs a somebody. You can be a somebody, regardless if you knew the person who died or not.

Be that somebody. Be the person who shows up. Be the person who risks being uncomfortable for the comfort of another. Be the person who risks quiet, awkward moments so that someone else can have the comfort of knowing they’re not alone in their quietness.

If you’re asking yourself if you should attend the funeral, you already know the answer.

Should I Attend a Funeral that is Far Away?

Live by your values and not by your obstacles. Don’t let distance win. The truth is, we do what’s important to us. If this is truly important to you, you’ll find a way. Does it make sense to drive six, ten, twelve, fifteen hours for a forty-five minute service?

Does it make sense to do something out of the ordinary that speaks more than words, that says, “I’m there for you?”

Don’t let distance win, Friend. Live by your values and not by your obstacles.

Should I Attend a Funeral of Someone I Mistreated?

Closure isn’t just for perfect people. Closure is needed for the best of the best and the worst of the worst. Friend, if you mistreated someone and you never made it right, you (especially) need closure. You need to be there.

Don’t worry about what people will say. However, if you feel your presence will upset the family, perhaps you should stand outside the sanctuary or even outside the building.

Search your heart. Dig deep. Admit what you know is true. Apologize. Then, do the hardest part of all… change. Don’t let their death be in vain. Be a better person, for yourself and for them.

Is It Wrong Not to Attend a Funeral?

Is it wrong to not give a birthday present? Is it wrong to not attend a retirement party, wedding, or baptism? Is it wrong not to attend a funeral? Why would you not not want to attend?

Attending a funeral is the type of gift that gives back to you. I’ve never left a funeral that hasn’t made me better. I’ve never left a funeral that didn’t leave me thinking about life, it’s value, and how I want to live in the future. Giving somehow always has a way of giving back to you.

Why I Attend Funerals (Let me tell you a story.)

I’ve been to many funerals since Josh died. Some may wonder why. I go because I remember how important it was to me.  I remember who was there and I remember what it meant. I remember their tears, their hugs, and their smiles.  It meant more than I can express.

Just a few days before Josh’s funeral, his last pair of underwear and socks were removed by a complete stranger and stuffed into a red biohazard bag. It broke me. There I was, wondering if those strangers cared. Did they know what Josh had given to this world.  Did they know how much he meant? He was the one who made me who I was.

As I looked into the eyes of those who came to say goodbye to Josh, I knew they came when Josh had nothing to give. He was no longer here on this Earth and there was nothing left to give. Yet they came.

It was the most beautiful gesture that could have been undertaken and their love renewed me. It confirmed within the deepest part of me that someone knew who Josh was to me; what he meant.

As I heard stories, I learned who Josh was to them. I realized his reach went farther than I could have imagined. His heart was true and somehow.. the kindness that exuded from him never ran out.  

That’s why I attend funerals. – I attend funerals to say your someone meant something to me.  No matter how much I’m aching inside, regardless of the inconvenience, I want you to know that your someone meant something.

I go to support friends and family.

I go to encourage my healing.

I go to honor.

I go to celebrate.

I go.  I go because I never knew how important it was. Now, I know.

If you’re asking yourself if you should attend the funeral, you already know the answer.

• How to Honor a Deceased Loved One